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i feel inadequate all the time.
everyone around me is so smart and driven and great at what they do.
and then there's me.
i'm not even entirely sure if this is what i want to do with my life. sit at computers and code every day. but i feel like it's too late to change. and i'm not good at anything. i was so excited about life until college started. i really felt as though i had something important to offer to the world. i felt as though i could make a difference, somehow, that i was good enough to do something.
i don't feel that way anymore.
i haven't felt that way for awhile.
my self confidence has just slowly disintegrated into nothing.
i just feel so stupid all the time. and i'm such a disappointment. my parents are so disappointed in me. i know they expected better. and i've never done that before to them, not like this and it's a terrible feeling.
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but that's enough with this self pity shit. i'm going to be better. maybe i have to put more time into studying than my friends do, but that's what i will do. i'm going to get up early tomorrow and do my homework and then study for the exam that i have on thursday.
i can be better than this.
after all, i did get a 2350 on the sat ;)
click here sorry for that |
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| sometimes i wish that my thoughts could travel down my brain, through my arms, to my hands, where i could type them out or write them down. i so wish i could express how i'm feeling, but it's impossible through words.
maybe that's why i admire writers so much, for being able to touch our hearts and our minds, if only for a second.
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